I had something I planned to write about but as much as I have to say I can’t find any words. This month was alot—alot of travel, speaking, counseling, contemplating, reading, and settling back into our house after three months in an Airbnb due to a slab leak. The only thing I didn’t have alot of this month was sleep. Like my words, I can’t seem to catch deep sleep.

Even still Sunday afternoons usually provide quiet so I had looked forward to the time to flesh out my thoughts for this substack. Until that is, I got up at 5am to find our downstairs flooded.

This time around it wasn’t a pipe leak but a clogged drain in the alley behind our house. With nowhere for the 5 inches of rain from last night to go, water rushed our yard and into our house. As I sat down to write this afternoon the roar of professional grade fans scattered throughout our downstairs are nothing like the serene ocean noises of the sound machines at my office and the restful Sunday afternoons I delight in. But if there is any hope of salvaging our floors, we can’t turn them off. Otherwise, we might be right back where we started in January.

What do we do when we feel empty, discouraged, and done?

The Sunday school answer is turn to God, and as true as this is, have we not all experienced times when we just don’t feel like it? At least initially.

As when someone is grieving, just because something is true about God—for instance, he is faithful to his promises—doesn’t mean it is always comforting or appropriate in the moment. There is a time and place.

I know God is my only comfort. Even if we must rip out our floors again, I know he will sustain us as he did before. But today I felt numb, much preferring a pity party for myself than reading God’s word. Maybe tomorrow will be different.

Whether my perspective shifts though or not, a doctrine that encourages me more and more is that his love for me is not dependent on me. I don’t have to over-spiritualize how I’m really doing. I don’t have to pretend to be more righteous than I am by spouting off, “God is good” responses to the many friends reaching out. I don’t have to beat myself up when I fail to have my quiet time or lack the desire to pray. My secure standing has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with his righteousness for me.

Hear me: This is not meant as an excuse to stay static or not aspire to live into the holiness he has called me to. Rather, it provides me with mind-blowing hope! Not only does he gives me his perfection and unconditional love, but he gives me the grace to grow and change. Therefore, I can be sure any desire to be in his word and to live pleasing to him is all him! All fruit-bearing is his work too. The fact I might get up tomorrow to new morning mercies is evident he is the faithful one. The fact I might find some comfort in being reminded of what is true as I write this is all God.

His strength. His grace. His faithfulness. His sustaining. His meeting me right where I am.

Thanks be to God!