Tag Archives: teens

Why a Homeschool Podcast interviewed a Public School Mom

About a month ago I had the privilege of being the guest on an unexpected podcast. Unexpected because it was the Homeschooling In Real Life podcast and I am not a homeschooling mom. But hosts Kendra & Fletch understand that homeschool (and Christian private school kids) are not insulated from struggles and sin which is why they wanted to bring me on to discuss the research behind my new book Face Time.

As I learned through the responses to my teen survey, teens of all types of school environments, geographic locations and churched and non-churched backgrounds face similar insecurities and temptations. This is because no amount of sheltering can protect our teens from the sin in their own hearts. As I often quote, “There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him (Mark 7:15).” In otherwords, it is what is inside that ultimately causes us to sin.

Does this mean we don’t work to keep our kids from evil? By no means! But as I’ve recently written in my parenting posts, if we don’t deal honestly with the false sources our kids turn to looking for identity and worth, we are glossing over the real problems of the heart.  Additionally, if we think a safe-guarded environment will keep the “bad” out, we are living with our heads in the sand. So we must not be naive and work diligently to get to our kids’ hearts no matter what their environment.

So regardless of your schooling choice, I invite you to listen in to the discussion on this podcast. I think you will then want to take note thast the “big surprise” Kendra and Fletch mention in our episode has now been revealed as the end of their podcast because of something new to come. Knowing they speak my same language of grace and growth in the gospel I know I will be interested in whatever comes next. You can follow Kendra on Facebook and be sure to check out her book Lost & Found.

http://www.homeschoolingirl.com/episodes/episode-152-facetime-kristen-hatton

Free homeschool podcast about Facetime a new book by Kristen Hatton about girls and identity.

 

 

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

How To Get Your Teen To Open Up To You More?

Last week I ran a mini-series on what parents of younger kids can do now to help shape the teen years ahead. I wrote that it is never too early to start laying a foundation, and it is also never too late to redo/undo what we should’ve done differently because God is a God of grace and in the business of transformation. So if you are a parent of teenagers feeling like you’ve already messed up or are unsure how to get into your teen’s head don’t resign yourself to the lie Satan would have you believe that it’s hopeless to even try.

Believe me, I know the hard work of parenting teens makes giving into their desires and the ways of the world seem like our only option for keeping the peace. And when they’ve pushed us out and we can’t figure out how to get them to talk it’s easy to think catering to their every whim will make for a better relationship. But all that leads to is an entitled teen who knows how to get what they want.

What I want to suggest as a mechanism for change in the way we relate with our teens and getting them to open up more is something I’ve personally been learning. Now as I’ve said before I don’t believe following a “formula” is a guarantee, only the intervening grace of God can ultimately make things right. But I do think on a human level when we IDENTIFY with another person (whether it be your teen, your spouse, a friend or stranger) it opens the door to deeper connection and trust.

What do I mean by “identifying”?

I’ll explain with an illustration. Recently my daughter called home from college weighted down by various circumstances. As she was talking, I went into “fix it” mode and proceeded to tell her what she needed to do. Wrong thing in that moment.

By my ready answers, what she heard was how much better I would’ve handled it, which led her to feel shame for not having her act together. Is it any wonder she asked me to hand the phone over to my husband? No. What she needed was someone to listen and identify with her in her frustration and pain. Someone whose first stance was entering in with compassion.

Identification is hard for us as parents because our default mode includes lecturing and trying to take control. Identification is hard in general because self-righteousness prevents us from putting ourselves in another’s shoes. And because we don’t like to see/admit our own sin, we come across to others as unapproachable for them in their sin.

According to the teen survey I conducted and used in writing Face Time, teens don’t feel like they can talk to their parents openly for these exact reasons.  They think we won’t understand, we will get upset and also they don’t want us to worry. Therefore, it is not surprising they choose to shut us out over revealing what’s really going on in their hearts, at school, on the weekends, with their friends, etc.

So what if we started identifying with them instead? What if we started the conversation by letting them know our own struggles to be liked, to want affirmation, to look perfect? We may not seek these things in the way they do, but we know what it’s like. We too look to false gods to fill us and to give us worth, instead of turning to Christ.

Since this is true, we should understand what causes them to give in to peer pressure and do things they never thought they would. Yes, we will likely be upset – angry even – but what if like the father of the prodigal son we open are arms wide to meet them in it? What would it look like to show compassion and understanding? If they first heard our affirmation, and saw us come alongside them in their struggles, I think our relationships with our teenagers would be different.

As the interaction with my daughter shows, I don’t do this perfectly. But I have someone who was perfect for me. Jesus came to live the perfect life required by God because no one else could measure up to his righteous standard. And at the cross he took all of my failures and made a way for his perfection to be mine. God now sees me according to Christ’s righteousness for me! So when I fail, guess what? I can go to him admitting my need. And I can enter in with my teens in their need because I know my own.

FACE TIME: Your Identity in a Selfie World is now available. To order go here.

Face Time Podcast Episode 001: Trying to Be Good Enough with Martha Kate Stainsby

In anticipation of my new book, Face Time: Your Identity in a Selfie World, debuting in just FOUR weeks I will be sharing four companion podcasts (one each week) over the next four weeks. While the book is not topical per se, there are specific teen issues addressed as they pertain to the book’s overarching theme on identity and worth.

Each of my podcast guests are young women in their 20’s who graciously share their perspective on teen struggles. For some this includes their own stories of seeking an identity in false sources, how Jesus set them free and helped them see their true worth in him. Like today, in my inaugural podcast episode 001 Martha Kate Stainsby joins me to discuss her past struggles with an eating disorder, body image and perfectionism. She shares with us what lies she believed to be true and the truth that brought her to a place of healing. Great insight for moms of teen girls, and for girls who may be struggling with similar issues.

I hope you’ll take the time to listen -when you’re in your car, your kitchen or taking a walk; just click the play button on the picture below.  If you find it helpful, would you share this podcast post on social media or with a friend? And then be sure to pre-order your copy of Face Time on Amazon here.

Show Notes:
Martha Kate is an eating disorder survivor & advocate. Martha Kate is a writer, who has written for various publications, including being a Huffington Post Contributor. She loves people and especially loves working with young women. Martha Kate resides in Waco, Texas where she lives with her husband Brett. Read her blog at www.leavingperfectionlearninggrace.com.